Amusing Courtroom Quotes

So far, Joe's Musings has been a rather serious project with most of my posts covering topics such as college advice, life hacks, and current events.  Today, I want to take an amusing break and focus on the humorous aspects of our legal system.  These quotes illustrate the various uses and interpretations of language.  Everyone of these are genuine, real extracts from courtrooms.  It's a good thing recorders and transcripts are required in the courtroom, or else none of these funny blunders would have been preserved.

Lawyer. What is your date of birth?
Witness. July fifteenth.
Lawyer. What year?
Witness. Every year.

Lawyer. This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness. Yes.
Lawyer. And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness. I forget.
Lawyer. You forget.  Can you give us an example of something you have forgotten?

Lawyer. Now doctor, isn't is true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Lawyer. The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Lawyer. She had three children, correct?
Witness. Yes.
Lawyer. How many were boys?
Witness. None
Lawyer. Were there any girls?

Lawyer. All of your responses must be oral, okay?  What school did you go to?
Witness. Oral.

Lawyer. Was that the same nose your broke as a child?
Witness. I only have one, you know.

Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"

Lawyer. Did you blow your horn?
Witness. After the accident?
Lawyer. Before the accident.
Witness. Sure, I played for ten years.  I even went to school for it.

Lawyer.  How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Lawyer. What happened then?
Witness. He told me, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Lawyer. Did he kill you?
Witness. No

Lawyer. Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--
Witness.  Thank you.  If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment.

Lawyer.  Were you alone or by yourself?

Lawyer. You say the stairs went down to the basement?
Witness. Yes
Lawyer. And these stairs, did they go up also?

Lawyer. Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trail instead of an attempted murder trial?
Witness. The victim lived.