The Story of Irena Sendler

The name Irena Sendler might be a bit obscure to you, but she was a woman worth knowing.  Irena was a Polish Catholic social worker who lived in Nazi-occupied Warsaw during World War II.  During WW2, she was hired in the Warsaw Ghetto as a plumbing/sewer specialist.  Roughly 400,000 Jews and Romanis- 30% of Warsaw’s population- were rounded up, herded, and crammed into 3.5 square miles.

Irena knew of the Nazi’s genocidal plans, so she smuggled infants out of the ghetto in the tool box she carried.  Bigger kids hid under tarp in the back of her truck.  During the period, she managed to save 2500 kids and provide shelter for them in children’s homes outside the Ghetto.  

Irena kept a record of the names of all the kids she smuggled out and kept the list in a glass jar buried under a tree in her backyard.  In 1943, Irena was arrested by the Gestapo, severely tortured, and sentenced to death.  The Zegota resistance movement in Poland saved her by bribing German guard en route to her execution.  She was abandoned in a nearby forest, unconscious with broken arms and legs.  After the war was over, she tried desperately to locate the children’s parents that may have survived.  Many had been gassed at the Treblinka extermination camp or had otherwise gone missing.  Irena saw to it that the children who lost their parents were placed into foster family homes or adopted.  

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Admirable Behavior by A Muslim Man

On September 21, 2001, Rais Bhuiyan was working at a gas station in Dallas when he was shot in the face by a man named Mark Stroman.  Stroman was an unstable man on a shooting spree, targeting people who appeared to be Muslim or of Middle Eastern descent.  For his actions, Stroman is scheduled to be executed on July 20.  Meanwhile, Rais required medical attention years after the attack.  The bullet hit him on the right side of the face, leaving severe injuries.  When his family discovered what had happened, his father suffered a stroke- another trauma.     

Despite all the pain and suffering endured, Rais, the only survivor of the attacks is fighting to save Stroman’s life.  “According to my faith in Islam, there is no hate, no killing.  It doesn’t allow anything like that,” Rais says.  “Yes, Mark Stroman did a horrible thing, and he brought a lot of pain and disaster, sufferings in my life.  But in return I never hated him.  I strongly believe executing him is not a solution.  We will just simply lose a human life without dealing with the root cause, which is hate crime.  In Islam, it says that saving one human life is the same as saving the entire mankind.  Since I forgave him, all those principles encouraged me to go even further, and stop his execution and save another human life.”

Even after he had recovered somewhat, Rais was unable to fly home to Bangladesh to see his parents out of fear that the pressure changes in the plane might have caused his injured eye to explode.  Almost 10 years later, the only visible signs of his shooting are a sagging eye and a slight stiffness in his face when he speaks.  “My mother taught me that if people hurt you, don’t hurt them back.  Today or tomorrow, they will ask you for forgiveness.”

Letter Home From School

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,

Your $on.

A week later..... a letter from "home"

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,

Dad

Family and Friends Mourn Ryan Dunn

On June 20, Ryan Dunn and Zachary Hartwell, both involved in the famous “Jackass” movie series, died when Dunn’s Porsche 911 swerved off the road and hit a tree in West Goshen Township, Pennsylvania.  Preliminary investigations suggested the car was traveling between 132-140 mph in a 55 mph zone.  A toxicology report shows Dunn has a blood alcohol content level of .196%, more than twice the state’s legal limit of .08%.  

For those of you that haven’t heard of Ryan, he was a daredevil best known for being a member of the Jackass crew and a cast member on Viva La Bam.  He was born in Ohio and grew up in New York before moving to Pennsylvania in his early teens.  I enjoyed his antics in the Jackass series and Homewrecker.  

Friends Johnny Knoxville and Bam Margera were both in attendance at a private funeral West Chester, Pennsylvania.  In lieu of flowers, Dunn’s family requested that friends and fans make a contribution to Garth Brook’s Teammate for Kids nonprofits, which pairs professional athletes and celebrities with charities benefiting children. 

Dunn met Bam Margera on his first day of high school according to biography posted on Dunn’s website.  Dunn, Margera, Chris Raab, and Brandon DiCamillo started making videos that featured them skateboarding and performing stunts.  In 1999, Dunn was working two jobs as a welder and in a gas station when Knoxville, a friend of Margera’s, asked the crew to allow their videos to be part of the Jackass series, which became a big hit on MTV.

Humor Sunday

Sunday is a day to relax and contemplate both the previous and upcoming week.  It seems appropriate to post photos that will hopefully make you laugh, smile, and feel relaxed.

New York and Christians

The legislative battle in New York over gay marriage has dominated the headlines over the past few weeks.  A measure that would make same-sex marriage legal is currently hanging in the balance as I write this post.  Republicans in Albany are delaying the vote while Democrats and gay rights advocates are becoming increasingly frustrated with the GOP’s dilatory tactics.  

As of Friday morning, the number of state senators who had voiced support for the marriage measure- 31 of 62- are just one vote short of a majority.  New York’s Catholic archbishop Timothy Dolan reiterated the Church’s opposition to gay marriage on Sunday, vowing to oppose “any radical bill to redefine the very essence of marriage.”

I’m unsure of how the fight in New York will end up.  However, I am certain that even if gay rights activists lose this battle, they will win the war eventually.  Liberalism is an ongoing force that might experience a few setbacks, but it will win out before long, especially if Christians continue to make themselves a target for marginalization.  Leftist policies are more effective when they have a bulls-eye to prey upon.  Within 20 years, I predict that gay marriage will be legal in 15 or more states.  

The Catholic Church is the most visible opponent of gay marriage, and ultimately, the strongest voice against the relentless tides of liberal social activism.  The Catholic Church has taken a resolute stance against abortion, contraceptives, gay marriage, and stem cell research, but many of these controversial battles are being won by the leftists.  Because the Church has taken such a determined stance against these social questions, the perception young people have of the Church and Christians in general is largely negative and critical.  The Barna Group, an evangelical Christian polling firm, conducted a number of surveys and focus group with adults and young people to determine which terms people tended to apply to Christians.  Among Americans aged 16-29, 91% felt the term “antihomosexual” aptly described Christianity.  “Consistently shows love to other people” polled at 11% among the same demographic.  When you introduce yourself as a Christian to a neighbor, there’s a strong chance you will be labeled as antihomosexual and homophobic rather than accepting of all people.  

If Christians sincerely want to win the battle against same sex marriage, they need to stop conveying rhetoric that paints gays and lesbians as disordered and sinful.  Christians must stop condemning homosexuals and should make an effort to understand the complexity of their lives.  Furthermore, if Christians want the perception of themselves to change, it should be as enthusiastic and determined to reform no-fault divorce laws.  The threat on the essence of marriage comes from the behavior of heterosexuals as well.  Fornication, cohabitation, contraception, and remarriage after divorce are all contrary to Christian sexual ethics yet these actions aren’t as reprehensible as homosexuality in the eyes of many Christian churches.  Christians must ensure that young people know that its teachings are consistent.  While a more consistent implementation of Christian teachings would not win the minds and hearts of many young people, it would at least curb the accusations that Christians are hypocritical and homophobic.  If this is done, young people probably will not adhere to Christian teachings on sexuality, but at least they will respect them.  


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The IRS and Non-Profits

In a move that will hurt many small nonprofit organizations, the IRS has announced that 275,000 non-profit organizations- around 18% of the country’s tax-exempt organizations- have lost their status because they failed to file Form 990s.  Although tax law has changed regarding non-profits in recent years, the blow will likely put many of these charitable groups out of business.  

Until 2006, nonprofits with annual revenues under $25,000 were not required to file tax returns to the IRS.  However, a provision in the 2006 Pension Protection Act (read pork barrel legislation) required nonprofits to file an abbreviated form beginning in 2007.  If the nonprofits did not file fore three consecutive years after 2007, their exemptions would be revoked.  

While these nonprofits are waiting for reinstatements, they are liable for income taxes and are unable to get tax-deductible donations.  The Boys and Girls Club is one notable organizations put at risk.  Although the IRS gets a bad rap among taxpayers, this situation isn’t their fault.  To be fair, the IRS sent 665,000 warning letters out to small nonprofits in 2007, but on the deadline, more than 300,000 organizations had not filed.  The IRS extended the deadline until October 15, 2010 to give small nonprofits another chance, but when the list was finally published, 275,000 organizations had lost their exemptions.   

Furthermore, the IRS announced a reduced refiling fee and retroactive exemptions for small organizations that can demonstrate good reasons for not having filed.  Before 2007, small nonprofits didn’t have to file because the tax revenue generated was insignificant.  Taxable income in the nonprofit sector is historically low and deductions for charitable contributions weren’t outrageous.

I’m noticing a push from the Federal government to make corporations and industry more transparent to the average American, but this pressure is forcing small businesses to spend beyond their means for full disclosure.  As a result, more companies are being forced to (re)file tax returns, which will likely generate elevated costs.  The IRS is now subjected to dedicate large amounts of resources to ensure the nonprofits refile properly.  I’m not sure how sustainable this system is.


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Business Education and Liberal Arts

Recently, the Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching released a report that argues universities will develop better business professionals if more liberal arts education is integrated into business school curriculums.  The report, Rethinking Undergraduate Business Education: Liberal Learning for the Profession, argues that business schools are too separated from other departments on college campuses.  It claims that students are not thinking critically in undergraduate courses, which can have detrimental effects as they begin to engage with the business world. 

Although this report might not have a sound methodology, it serves as an important reminder that a degree is not equivalent to an education.  The authors discuss a “barbell approach” in which students study liberal arts as prerequisites to business fields, but are unable to make the connections between the two.  At many universities, this is true.  The business school is generally an entirely separate entity from the liberal arts programs, and interdisciplinary collaboration is becoming exceedingly rare.  Fortunately, there are still examples such as the Center for International Ethics at the University of Kansas that still value the intersection of liberal arts and business. 

The report comes at an troubling time for undergraduate business education.  Business majors spend less time preparing for class than do students in any other broad field according to a National Survey of Student Engagement.  In “Academically Adrift: Limited Learning on College Campuses”, Richard Arum and Josipa Roksa report that when business majors took the GMAT (the entrance exam for graduate school), they scored lower than students in every other major.  Despite the poor record, business is without question the most popular field of study among college undergraduates.  Accounting, marketing, finance, management, and business administration accounts for over 20% of all bachelor’s degrees given annually in the United States.

At the end of the day, improving your critical thinking, reasoning, and communication skills, is just as important as your major.  I would argue that learning how to learn is more crucial that becoming an excellent memorizer.

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Challenge Yourself To Be Different For The Right Reasons

I have never been one to follow the crowd.  I cannot blindly follow the crowd because I’ve always thought of myself as an individual with specific needs that must be met.  I will not allow myself to be labeled or categorized.  Often, we are stuck in a rut of behavior which we continue just because that’s the way everyone else does things.  We conform to “normal” behavior because that seems like the best way.  However, our differences are part of who we are.  To understand these differences, we must have a strong self-concept and self-knowledge that transcends society’s constructs.

I do things differently not because I purposefully don’t want to conform, but because I genuinely believe my approaches to life will yield the best results for me.  You should consider the same methods. 

Here are a few examples from my life...

Straight-Edge

I have decided to live the sober life because it allows me to be more productive as I pursue my own ambitions.  I don’t judge others when they drink or smoke, but rather I have made the choice that best benefits me.  I am learning to understand and learn rather than judge.

Minimalist

Now, I rarely purchase things I don’t use frequently.  I doubt I would behave differently even if I had lots of cash burning a hole in my pocket.  I wear an undershirt and nylon gym shorts to class, and my showers never last more than 3 minutes.  

Go To Bed Early and Take Naps

Most college students I know go to bed around 1 or 2 in the morning.  I make an effort to be in bed by 11.  Also, I take naps, a practice which is frowned on by our fast-paced society.  If you feel tired, your body is probably telling you that you need to rest.  It’s that simple.          

Keep A Journal

I believe journaling is one of the most emotionally releasing activities you can do.  It is a chance to preserve your frustrations, fears, anxieties as well as your joys, triumphs, and deepest thoughts.  I have penned a journal entry every single day since January 1, 2008, and it’s one of the best ways to know yourself better.

None of these things are terribly out of the ordinary, but they do challenge the norms our society uses.  I get questions about my lifestyle choices, and I am happy to answer these inquiries.  The main point I am trying to make is that if you find yourself stuck in a monotonous routine and you feel like a number, challenge yourself to find ways to redefine your own uniqueness.  Similarly, if you are looking for ways to live your life apart from normality, challenge your self to be different for the right reasons.  Never be afraid to be different, but always make sure these differences are of benefit to you.    

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How To Read Kant's Critique of Pure Reason

Back in the Fall of 2010, I took a modern philosophy course.  It was a 300 level class, and many of the philosophers we studied I had never read before.  My experience was going well until we started reading Immanuel Kant, the man who revolutionized philosophy in the modern period by creating a compatabilist view of empiricism (sensory experience is the ultimate source of all our knowledge and concepts) and rationalism (some knowledge is independent of experience).  I enjoyed reading the various views of Descartes, Hume, Locke, Leibniz, and Berkeley, and after some contemplation, I was able to understand the bizarre and mind-bending views of these philosophers.  However, when we started reading Immanuel Kant, my head nearly exploded.  I gave up quickly and relied on the interpretations of the instructor and my friends to get me through the course.  

Since then, I tried to tackle Kant’s work Critique of Pure Reason in small chunks.  It has been a slow-moving train, and getting past the pedantic organization of the text and the scholastic terminology has been very difficult.  SparkNotes has been friendly to me as well.  Here are my tips to get through Immanuel Kant’s most reputable work while minimizing pain and confusion.

Before reading Critique of Pure Reason, read the Prolegomena, a short book in which Kant explains what the Critique is meant to accomplish- to discover the limits and scope of what reason alone can determine without the help of the senses.  This book is a valuable starting place to understanding Kant’s epistemology and metaphysics.  Also, look up SparkNotes and Kant’s lecture notes on logic because they will both give you a better idea of how he thought philosophy should be done.  Understanding his “logical method” is a key to comprehending his works.  Choose your text carefully.  I would recommend finding the version closest to the original as possible because while abridgments are tempting, they do not take into account that Kant included every sentence for a reason.  

The introduction is absolutely vital to understanding the rest of the book.  In the introduction, he defines important terms- transcendental aesthetic, intuitions, sensibility, synthetic judgments, analytic judgment, a priori, and a posteriori.  Attempting to read the book without knowing these terms first is a fool’s errand.  (Attempting to read the book knowing these terms is an educated fool’s errand).

In addition to these specific steps, I would advise you treat Kant as you would any other philosopher.  For me, that means take notes, question what you read, and use supplementary resources to further your understanding of what Kant meant.  

Any philosophy can be intimidating, but Kant is on a different level of difficulty.  In addition to an extremely difficult subject matter (the nature of knowledge and the limits of reason), Kant uses terminology that is altogether foreign to the common man.  

How To Avoid Alcohol in College

I’ve written in the past about how the straight-edge approach to college can be both beneficial and alienating.  If you decide to live sober, you’ll need to find ways to avoid alcohol, especially on a college campus.  How do you still spend time with your friends when they want to drink?  

85 to 95 percent of American college students report drinking alcohol regularly.      Therefore, even if your friends don’t directly pressure you to drink, you might still feel left out due to your firm decision against alcohol.  Drinking in excess and peer pressure can be strong temptations, but if you want to stay sober, you must stand by your decision with firmness and resolve.

Another way to avoid alcohol is to consider the negative consequences before drinking.  You can lose control of your actions, damage your reputation, get sick, harm yourself and others.  If you are a girl, the potential for date rape is present.  Also, drinking is an expensive habit.

When you tell to your friends that you do not have an interest in drinking, be very careful in the way you communicate.  By taking a stance against alcohol, you bring into question a common college activity, and this can be interpreted as condescending, judgmental, or anti-social.  Be able to state your reasons for your choice, but still indicate that you don’t judge or look down upon those who want to experiment and “have fun”.  Do not avoid questions about why you choose not to drink, but don’t parade your sober lifestyle either.  In other words, acknowledge that they have made their choice, you have made yours, and let bygones be bygones. 

Once you decide to reject alcohol, stick with your choice.  You might look like a hypocrite when you take a firm position against liquor and then binge-drink soon after, even if it’s “just one time.”  Ultimately, people, even those that drink, will respect you for following your principles and beliefs.  It may not be easy or comfortable, but if you strongly desire to stay away from alcohol, you must stick with your commitment.  

Finally, do things that don’t involve drinking.  Movie nights, game nights, concerts, and visits to coffee shops are four examples of fun activities that will allow you to socialize in an alcohol-free environment.  Remember, you don’t need alcohol to have a good time.


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The Story of Soichiro Honda

Did you know that you will fail before you succeed?  You have probably heard of Honda Motor Company, the Japanese multinational corporation that manufactures automobiles and motorcycles.  Honda has been the world’s largest motorcycle manufacturer since 1959.  What you might not know is the inspiring backstory of how Honda became a thriving business...

In the 1930’s, Japan’s economy was hit hard by the Great Depression.  Money was tight, so in 1938, Soichiro Honda started a small auto mechanic shop while he was still in school.  It was here that he developed the concept of the piston ring, an idea he hoped to sell to Toyota, which was a major car manufacturer back then as well.  He worked relentlessly, never letting go of his belief that he would perfect the piston’s design and produce a valuable product.  After he married, he pawned his wife’s jewelry out for cash to finance his business (with her permission).

The day came and Honda took his working sample to Toyota headquarters, where he was told the piston rings did not meet quality standards.  Soichiro went back to school and endured ridicule when the other engineers laughed at his design.  Instead of giving up, he continued to work towards his goal of perfecting the piston ring.  After two more years of hard labor and redesign, Honda earned a contract with Toyota.

By this time, Japan was preparing to go to war.  Honda invented a new concrete-making process that enabled him to build a factory in a short time.  Before long, the factory was bombed, twice, and materials to rebuild for a third time were not available.  Honda started collecting surplus gasoline cans discarded by US fighter, which he termed, “Gifts from President Truman”.  The cans became raw materials for his rebuilt manufacturing process.  Shortly after, an earthquake destroyed the factory for a third time.  

After the war, a gasoline shortage forced many Japanese people to walk or ride bicycles.  To transport himself, Honda built a tiny engine and attached it to his bicycle.  His neighbors wanted one of these contraptions, but the materials to build more engines were unavailable.  So Honda wrote to 18,000 bicycles shop owners and asked them to help revitalize Japan.  5,000 responded with what little money they could.  Honda’s first models were to bulky to work efficiently, so he continued to develop and work until the small engine became a reality.  Before long, Honda began exporting his bicycle engines to Europe and America.

This business was not as lucrative as Honda expected.  In the 1970’s, there was another gas shortage, this time in America.  Automobile companies started creating smaller cars that used less gasoline.  Honda quickly started to manufacture tiny cars, smaller than anyone had seen before, and it quickly became a success.

Today, Honda employs over 100,000 people in the US and Japan, and is a global leader in automobiles, motorcycles, and other electronics.  Honda’s success can largely be attributed to the dedication and determination of one man- Soichiro Honda.  

He never gave up and neither should you.  Don’t expect overnight success.  Transformation can take years, and this story is evidence that many successful people fail many times before they get their desired results.  

Romance vs. Love

In her article, "Turning Sweet Nothings into Sweet Somethings," Marjorie Holmes points out some differences between romance and authentic love: 

Romance is seeking perfection, love is forgiving faults.
Romance is flying, love is a safe landing. 

Romance is the anguish of waiting for the phone to ring to bring you a voice that will utter endearments; love is the anguish of waiting for a call that will assure you someone else is happy and safe. 

Romance is eager, striving always to appear attractive for each other, love is two people who find beauty in each other no matter how they look.

Authentic love will find many expressions -- the love of spouses; the love of friends; the love of families. And if your love is real, watch out -- once it starts growing, there's nothing that can stop it!

Things You Don't Need

I’d like to share with you a simple fact- life is too short to tolerate nonsense.  You don’t have to endure things that cause distress and suffering.  The clock is ticking, and it’s time to reclaim your life.

Negative People- You should be excited to spend time with your significant other, family, and friends.  Relationships should be healthy, not detrimental.

A Job You Hate- If you don’t like your job, get out.  Life is full of choices, so keep searching until you find work you love.  If you find something that interests you, go for it with you’ve got.

Clutter- Clear it out.  Get rid of stuff you don’t use and get organized.

Debt- Be wise and live below your means.  Keep track of your personal expenses and always save your money.

Greed, Envy, and Jealousy- Be the best version of yourself, not somebody else.

Peer Pressure- Never do anything solely because someone told you to.  Always be your own person and think independently.

Last Minute Plans- Waiting until the eleventh hour generally creates chaos and confusion.  Wouldn’t it be nice to have everything run smoothly for once?  Plan ahead so you don’t have to rush around like a crazy person.

Lack of Sleep- Productivity and sleepiness are like oil and water.

Stress- Push until you find a way to keep your sense of inner peace.  If you bit off more than you can chew, slow down.

How To Become A Philosopher

It’s funny the reactions I get after I tell people I study philosophy at the University of Kansas.  Many times, people are interested and curious about why I chose to study business and philosophy.  They say things like, “That’s an interesting combination.  What made you decide to do that?”  One person called me a freak--not an unreasonable claim because the connections between business and philosophy are not immediately evident.

The thing about doing philosophy is that anyone with a questioning mind can do it.  There’s nothing special about me--I only have the strong desire to question and find the truth.  You can be just like Socrates without much training or background.  First, you must understand that regardless of what you have been told, there is no clearly defined way to do philosophy properly.  There’s no protocol, rulebook, or procedure an individual must follow.  It helps to eliminate prejudice, ignorance, and your own point of view when examining an philosophical question, but sometimes, your point of view, if supported with sound and valid arguments, can be vital to transforming you into a prolific philosopher.  A philosopher is a person that engages in critical thinking about some of the most perplexing issues that concern humanity.  You don’t need a formal degree or a title to be a philosopher.  Instead, a philosopher seeks to understand, learn from every experience, and analyzes everything around them.

Second, there is no clearly defined way to question, which adds to the beauty.  Sure, there are different schools of thought, but there are countless ways to begin and continue your inquiry.  If you decide to study philosophy at a university, you will be exposed to different famous thinkers and their opinions, but in order for you yourself to become a philosopher, you must think about these issues and decide for yourself whether you agree or disagree.  Be prepared to defend your opinions with reasons and seek the truth above all else.  You must be the source of your own philosophical investigation.  If you are very serious about pursuing structured studies in philosophy, consider minoring or majoring to get more exposure and perspectives on philosophical questions.  

Philosophers think about profound topics that rarely enter into everyday small talk- life, death, existence, meaning, knowledge, and reality to name a few.  Bertrand Russell said when a question has an absolute answer, it is no longer philosophical.  One of the most important questions a philosopher can ask him/her self is, “Why do I believe what I believe?”  Debate is a crucial element to accepting criticism about your own personal beliefs on these profound issues.  In addition to questioning and clarifying your own beliefs, multiple perspectives can help you reach more sound conclusions about these issues.  Never be afraid to ask, “Why?”      

Generally, I haven’t encountered many philosophers who also consider themselves believers in a God.  The lone girl brave enough to voice her belief in God in my modern philosophy class was harshly rebuked by other students.  Christian religions (and most world religions) presuppose the existence of God in all their teachings and doctrine, so when a philosopher questions the very existence of God, the entire body of religious teaching is at stake.  If the philosopher decides God does not exist, it becomes terribly difficult to believe in the other teachings of a religious organization because in that individual’s mind, there is no foundation on which to justify actions and behavior.  However, occasionally I’ll meet someone who has questioned their own religious beliefs, and as a result, their faith has grown stronger.  I argue that these people should also be considered philosophers because they have approached their faith with an open mind, and have not been afraid to question deeply held assumptions. 

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Plato:  For the greater good.

Aristotle:  To fulfill its nature on the other side.

Karl Marx:  It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli:  So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a

chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road,

but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend

with such a paragon of avian virtue?  In such a manner is the princely 

chicken's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates:  Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its

pancreas.

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered

within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each

interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be 

discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Thomas de Torquemada:  Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll 

find out.

Timothy Leary:  Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment

would let it take.

Douglas Adams:  Forty-two.

Nietzsche:  Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road 

gazes also across you.

Oliver North:  National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner:  Because the external influences which had pervaded its

sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that 

it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be 

of its own free will.

Carl Jung:  The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt 

necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical 

juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences 

into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre:  In order to act in good faith and be true to 

itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein:  The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into 

the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being 

which

caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein:  Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road

crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle:  To actualize its potential.

Buddha:  If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Howard Cosell:  It may very well have been one of the most astonishing

events to grace the annals of history.  An historic, unprecedented

avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement 

formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable 

occurence.

Salvador Dali:  The Fish.

Darwin:  It was the logical next step after coming down from the 

trees.

Emily Dickinson:  Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus:  For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe:  The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway:  To die.  In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg:  We are not sure which side of the road the chicken

was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume:  Out of custom and habit.

Saddam Hussein:  This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were

quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Jack Nicholson:  'Cause it (censored) wanted to.  That's the 

(censored) reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

John Sununu:  The Air Force was only too happy to provide the

transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself

of the opportunity.

The Sphinx:  You tell me.

Henry David Thoreau:  To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow

out of life.

Mark Twain:  The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Johnny Cochran:  The chicken didn't cross the road. Some 

chicken-hating, genocidal, lying public official moved the road right 

under the chicken's feet while he was practicing his golf swing and 

thinking about his family.

Camus:  The chicken's mother had just died.  But this did not really

upset him, as any number of witnesses can attest.  In fact, he

crossed just because the sun got in his eyes.

Ebert:  I disagree.  The whole thing left the audience wondering; the

chicken's crossing the road was never clearly explained and the 

chicken didn't emote very well.  It couldn't even speak English!

Thumbs down.